It has also given me a chance to reminisce about what we have done over the years. A lot of fun has been had, many good times but unfortunately some sad times also. One thing that has stood out and yes, I have known this for a long time, is my obsession to have a relationship with my sister. With all that has happened between us, it made me realise it doesn't matter what I want, if she doesn't want it then it's not going to happen ~ simple as that.
I decided yesterday that I am going to shut the door on this part of my life. I am not going to lock it behind me for who knows what the future will hold. I have also decided that Claire needs to know once and for all how I feel now so I have decided to contact her one last time by letter and truly leave the ball in her court.
This is what went in the mail today....
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Dear Claire,Whether you read this or not is totally up to you!
I have been putting off writing this letter as I keep hoping that with every new day our situation would change. BUT sadly this will be the last time I am going to contact you by my choice.
I want you to know that I do have your new mobile number although you have not given it to me and probably don’t want me to have it. I will only use it if there is an emergency concerning Mam as I believe you should hear certain news from family.
Thankfully we are all now starting to see your boys more than ever and it’s wonderful. It’s good for not only Oliver and Alex to spend time with their cousins but I too am enjoying it as now I am getting to know my nephews.
With regards to me seeing Jamie ~ you probably consider me as an enemy right about now. To be perfectly honest I don’t care what you think. You lost my respect when you chose to shut me out of your life and lie to me especially when you had the chance to tell me the truth.
As for us ~ it’s no longer an option for me to cry anymore about our broken relationship and lack of friendship. I have stopped worrying what I may have done wrong and/or if there were things I should have done as your sister.
Just remember I will always be your sister ~ nothing can change that. As it has always been and will always be you are welcome to contact me but as of now that will be your decision.
Needless to say, I do wish you and your boys all the best with the upcoming move and the beginning of a new chapter in your life. I hope things turn out the way you want them to and that ultimately you are happy with your choices.
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Whether she reads this or not is totally up to her, whether she responds is also her choice. But I have tried and cannot waste anymore of my energy trying. I have probably over-dramatised the situation and you are all probably sick of reading about it ~ but mentally and emotional I am over this chapter in my life's story and it's time to move on.... with or in this case, without her.
Time will tell what the future will bring..... hopefully joy and happiness as I focus on me and my family!
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