A very long time between posts.......

I must say that while I haven't abandoned our family blog it has been quite hard to remain positive and continue to post our adventures due to certain things that have happened since Easter. I tried a few times but it was easier to delete and not post at all.

Time has moved on and while some things remain being unrestored, unresolved and unchangeable due to circumstance and situation I have decided put them into the left wing and with time let happen what will happen.

So not to rehash bad feelings or occurances that have happened ~ I take the step to move on and enjoy OUR life as a family - our special family!!

After all life is too short for all that shit..............

No "fitting" title.......

There is really no title I can put on this post.... only now am I starting to feel better within myself about recent happenings.

Our trip to Sydney was a disaster to say the least. Our efforts to visit and meet our gorgeous niece Charlie were shattered by the unfolding of a family argument all because Noel and I had made plans to do some things we wanted to do. It's a very long story and not worthy of being on here for fear of any further backlash.

Bottom line - I am very lucky to have a wonderful, supporting and understanding husband, two beautiful children and a brilliant mother. All my energy and efforts will now be directed towards me, my health and these very important people as well as my friends from here on in!!

So to close I am putting my positive hat on and moving forward.....

A while between posts....... for various reasons!?!?

Once again busy is the only describing word I can use for me and work at the moment but there have been some other issues and happenings also.

I have spent the last two weeks on and off travelling in south west Victoria, rolling out a new module for our computer system SAP to our country concrete batchers. I have to say it has been an interesting 2 weeks. Not only has it been fun, but it has seen long days and a hell of a lot of driving. My last night away this trip, last Thursday, I stayed at a gorgeous Bed and Breakfast in Cobden which I highly recommend. If anything I would have to say that it was one of the nicest places I have stayed for a long time. Called the Grand Central B&B and it was very comfortable and the hospitality of the hosts was absolutely amazing.

This was my room... for the night - wished I was staying longer!!

Anyways in between my travels I went on a shopping tour with Alex on Saturday 13th. It was a full bus tour and went for the whole day. I must admit I was absolutely knackered after my 5 and a half hour drive home from Heywood on the Friday night. I couldn't cancel on Alex as it was her first ever shopping tour - I am not sure if I should have introduced her to them so early in her life as she is already planning on attending next years one!!! We had a fabulous day together and although it rained a little I enjoyed every minute with my little girl. She is growing up especially wanting to buy makeup and looking at teenage style clothes. She even brought a handbag!!

We also attended Daniel's 1st birthday which was a pleasant day at Sean and Vicky's house last Sunday considering some dramas that have been happening behind the scenes. Vicky did really well entertaining us all with some delicious food - lasagna, cannelloni, salads etc. Both Sean and her look relaxed and made such an effort to make us feel comfortable and welcome. It was good to see Vicky's family again although the language barrier makes some conversation difficult.

I just cannot believe Daniel is already 1 years old!!!

Daniel loves cuddling uncle Noel

I definitely just wanted to relax this weekend after all my travels but unfortunately as always my best laid plans always end up changing. Saturday Noel worked so I took the kids into Frankston to start the Christmas shopping drama early this year. Mind you Alex and I got a few pressies on the shopping tour. After wandering around Frankston and all the toy shops we were successful with quite a few presents we popped into Bunnings to buy some more garden things. We needed a shovel as the handle on ours broke a few weeks ago and we are still trying to get our vegetable garden up and running. Even in a tool shop the kids managed to have fun....

I have to be honest and say that I have also been avoiding posting on our adventures etc as there has been some turmoil in the Murray family.... not just in our household but within the whole family. And while we have continued on with things it has been hard to remain normal or calm and to be honest I really didn't want anything to be said/written that could have strained the situation any further than where it has been at. It's been bad enough that this has been causing problems with our own relationship with Noel and I having many arguments recently.

In a nutshell to put you in the picture there was basically an argument which came to a head at the end of October (I have briefly mentioned it before), and since that argument many things (some not very nice) have since been said between all of the adult members of the family. Funnily enough the argument started due to lack of communication and lack of discussion as a family but it seemed that we have all been quite vocal since that day!! Needless to say it all came to a head yesterday when 5 adult members met at a park and tried to resolve the issue.

We all sat down and while it was very awkward starting off and a little heated, when we did start talking we all admitted that we played some part in the incident. We all agreed that the biggest component of this was NOT TALKING as a family and to each other.

The other pending issue was Christmas and the fact that due to all of this arguing etc Noel and I had decided to have Christmas at home by ourselves (just the four of us and my mam, of course). Our decision wasn't accepted by the family at ALL as we have never been apart before due to conflict. In fact the version turned from "us having our own Christmas to somehow shutting everyone out of our lives and not wanting to see anyone ever again".... a little drastic but I guess that's how others perceived the situation. Christmas was discussed and a compromise was made and we will now all spend time together on Christmas Day by having Christmas lunch at Mam and Dad's house. It was also agreed that from now on in there will be a rotation system putting Sean and Vicky up for Christmas next year (all going well), then Noel and I having Christmas at our house in 2012.

Another suggestion that was put forth by Mam which was that ALL of us as a family make some time every 4 - 6 weeks and get together for the day or even a few hours. Just to catch up and make sure we all keep up with what is happening in each others lives. Both Noel and I are all for this as it's something that we did used to do anyhow but for one reason or another it stopped happening.

We definitely left the park in a better mood than what we all arrived in!! Thankfully (hopefully) it has all been resolved and I am hoping that as a family we can all move forward.

Upon returning home, and I must say feeling somewhat better due to the positive outcome, Noel suggested we go out for dinner and spend the rest of the day as a family as we needed some quality family time. We went to the Canadian Bay Hotel, in Mt Eliza. I had seen it in the Cheap Eats Guide 2010. We had a wonderfully relaxing lunch with the kids. The meals were delicious and the atmosphere in the hotel was brilliant, in fact one of the nicest places we have been for awhile now. The kids both ordered burgers which they could have probably shared one together as they were massive while Noel and I just had to order the Seafood Platter for 2.

Alex and the Canadian Bay Beef Burger

Oliver and his Canadian Bay Beef Burger (with the lot)

The seafood platter was one of the nicest we have had. Most of the seafood was fresh and not deep fried covered in batter which was a bonus. On the platter were oysters, mussells, prawns (in their shell) and half a crab, grilled prawn skewers, grilled flathead tails, scallops in garlic butter and scallops in thai chilli sauce along with salt and pepper calamari.

We then took the kids slot car racing at Mobile Raceways in Dandenong. We all had a go at racing each other and I must admit it's fun. Oliver is totally engrossed in slot cars, even showing me which one he wants for Christmas!!

Of course I ruined the rest of the day by stopping on the way home to do the grocery shopping... bottom line as I told the family "if we want to eat tomorrow we need to do this today!!" LOL!!!

My Family from WiddlyTinks.com

Mother's Day.....

Well now that's what I call another busy weekend, with Mam still visiting and Clare, Noel's sister, flying in on Friday night to surprise her mam yesterday and I must say she was successful - it was a surprise.

Friday night mam and I went to the shops to quickly do the grocery shopping and buy her mother's day present. She wanted some salt and pepper shakers, of course we couldn't find the ones I have anywhere so it was a mission to find something that she liked instead, finally though we bought some and yes I did wrap them for her.

Saturday I went to work while mam got a visit from her other four grandkids. I am sure that this was the highlight of her visit... having all six of her grandchildren playing together. Trust me this is a rare event in itself but it was very special for her on Saturday morning. Unfortunately they had gone by the time I got home from work so I missed out on seeing them.

Sunday, of course, was Mother's Day. Noel, Alex and myself went up the football club to help Tanya set up and to get the laptop organised while mam and Clare slept in....we left the house around 7ish and returned just after 9am so that wasn't too bad. When we got back Noel and Clare took Oliver off to play his game of football at which Clare was the goal umpire. I think Oliver was impressed that his Aunty was not only there but that she was wearing a white jacket (and not that sort of white jacket!!)

Sunday afternoon brought the mother's day luncheon with my mam, Noel's mam and dad, Sean, Vicky and Christian, Clare and us so needless to say it was a busy and eventful afternoon. All the more eventfull considering Ann hadn't seen Clare until then and both her and dad had no idea that Clare was even in Melbourne let alone our house. Food as usual was abundant (lot's of leftovers so we are right for dinner tonight!)

Mam and Clare left this morning. I took them to Frankston to catch the airport bus this morning at 5.50am (which I was paniking us missing as we were all quite slow this morning after another late night). But all was good and after waving them off I went to work early.

Overall it was a great weekend!

Actually I lie.

Most of it was good - some parts I would love to be able to turn back time and change.. especially some things I did. Looking back I realise that I haven't been a nice person. I have definately over-reacted to some situations and was just outright childish in others. Infact I have been a cow... but I don't think it's me more than it is certain situations/happening around me that are affecting me. I won't lie that this situation with Claire is not only upsetting me but it's affecting the way I am coping with other happenings in my life. Noel has noticed, friends have noticed and now my mam has definately noticed!

I have said I am sorry to my mam, all I can do now is hope that she forgives me and still loves me for who I am and not what I have been!

I love you Mam xxxx

Normality - can I have mine back please?

I just cannot seem to find it or remember what exactly normality is!!

The last three weeks have seen my world change drastically.

Firstly, a long history with me and my sister (some of you already know of it) but in a nutshell she hasn't really spoken to me for a few years - basically pushed me out of her life for her own reason and I don't know what that is.. I have learned to live with this but it hurts. Sadly, I do not have a close relationship with my nephews especially the youngest one (2) as he doesn't even really know who I am. This hurts me because they are my nephews and my kids are suffering also - my kids are missing out on growing up with their cousins, my kids are missing out on their aunty.

Secondly, three weeks ago my sister decided (don't know how hard she thought, mind you?) to kick her husband of 9 years out. Okay I know that this is her choice but she won't explain why she made her choice. Now I know that he is not a wife beater, not abusive emotionally or physically, adores her and their four boys (under 11), works full time, helps around the house, cooks, does washing - what more can I say? All she is saying is "because I wanted too!" aaarrrrgggghhhhh

Thirdly, I thought I would do the right thing as a sister (even though quite estranged) and visit her, offer my support and just to show her I was there. So Sunday morning we called in unannounced armed with a huge bunch of flowers and a very nice support card only to end up arguing due to certain circumstances I just wish I had not seen. The boys were with Jamie so I knew she should have been alone ~ she wasn't. "He" was there and in her bedroom. But although what I saw didn’t look good she continued to tell me “nothing was going on”, “why doesn’t anyone believe what I am saying?” and all the time I stood there looking at her I didn’t vocally judge her or pass comment but stood there actually thinking that she just out rightly thinks that I am stupid enough to believe her.

Fourthly, I had to tell my mam what I had witnessed. I knew that I couldn’t not tell her. And of course, with her anger and disbelief of the situation (not with what I had told her) she had to then speak to my sister. After my sister speaking to my mam and having a humdinger it was my turn to be in the firing line (which I expected and was just waiting for). She rang me enraged and we had a massive argument on the phone - which I am sure that all my neighbours would have heard. She accused my mother and I of “having nothing better to do than to talk about her behind her back” to which I replied “we have no option as you obviously don’t want to confide in us” and then I continued with a few more home truths, I am sure that she didn’t really want to hear.

Fiftly, Noel tripped/slipped on Monday night landing on his back and cracking a vertebrae and is suffering from huge swelling, bruising, pain and of course struggling to walk or get comfortable. I spent the last two days at home with him, which also included a six-hour stint at the emergency department making sure he really was okay and also having the required x-rays.

Sixthly, I had to get my BP checked yesterday and after 22 weeks of juggling tablets, trying new medications and finally getting my BP "perfect" it has gone up again. Not majorily but up. I had expected it too. I even told Noel that I didn't want to have my BP checked. Now instead of going every four weeks I am back to a fortnightly appointment.

Needless to say that, my world has really been rocked this last few days more than it ever has before (with the exception of the death of my father, of course). I don’t know what my feelings are, what my thoughts are, what I should be doing or even if there is anything I can do to help/change the situation. I have cried, I have screamed, I have yelled, I have sat in silence and now I am exhausted physically, mentally and more then ever emotionally.

I am sure that in time everything will right itself and that I just have to ride the storm.

Finally I was strong so why do I feel like shit?

After picking myself up off the floor on Wednesday because my sister rang me to actually thank me for my nephew's birthday card that I sent, we had a little chat and then she asked if me and my family would like to go for dinner at their house the night that Mam arrives. Now that pissed me off.... here we go again "happy families" because Mam is here! I told her I would see and get back to her.

Anyway after mulling over my options since Wednesday I finally made my decision.

I rang her this morning. It was hard as I tried to be strong and sound positive whilst holding back tears. I thanked her for her invitation, told her that we would not be coming because I don't want to play "happy families" anymore just because Mam is visiting when she cannot be bothered to contact me any other time of the year and basically that I have given up trying to invite them for dinner, etc. I did say that I wished more than anything that we could be friends and even sisters.

All she could say was "I know what you mean"!!!

I suggested if she wanted to discuss this just the two of us could go for a coffee if she wanted to.

The phone conversation ended with "will talk to you later" then the dial tone! No goodbyes just a hang up.....

I know that something needed to be done as I cannot continue with all the heart ache and the hoping that the situation will just miraculously change one day and we will behave like a normal family again.

In a way I think I may have acted selfishly and put my feelings first but it hurts to know that she is so close, wants nothing to do with me, doesn't want to interact with me or my family and only contacts me for special occasions (birthdays etc.) or when Mam is down visiting hence the "happy families" label!

Not only do I feel sorry for me though.... it's not all about me! I feel sorry for the 6 kids involved. My kids don't know their cousins and their cousins don't know them!!! They are going to grow up not knowing each other and that is really sad!!!

The only thing I regret about the phone call is that I didn't ask her what I did to make her not want to associate with me or my family?

It's not going to change, I know that now.... and although it hurts I must get on and enjoy my life!